A Short Note To Santa Claus From An Internet Marketing Consultant
How's it going in the terrific North Pole? Since it tis' the season, the following is my letter about what I'd like for Christmas.
Santa, I know you do that whole good instead of bad thing. I promise I've been a great internet marketer this year. I have not spammed the search engines with mirror internet sites, link farm purchases or little tricks to tweak your friends at Google.
Now, when I've been excellent, I would like a number of bad things for Christmas. No ponies here, I want the good stuff.
Dear Santa, I need:
1. A lump of coal to be given to the awful person or persons at Yahoo who've been deleting my pages from their online search engine results.
2. A lump of coal to the very same people at Yahoo who invented the site match nonsense. Feel free to let the reindeer relieve themselves while on the roofs of these peoples' houses.
3. To meet an individual from Google who handles the ranking updates inside a bar late at night after they've been drinking for 4 or 5 hours. I only need 15 minutes. Please! I have been so good.
4. Five minutes inside the Ultimate Fighting Octagon with Bill Gates.
5. Several hours with your list of bad folks who will get coal for the holidays. Don't worry, I can determine the ones that are fraudulently clicking my PPC ads.
6. Please send the Santa virus to the people today who keep sending me the phishing Pay Pal emails.
7. Same thing for the bad children sending me pharmaceutical spam.
8. Help me figure out a way to buy web traffic for my online business internet site. I hear buying traffic is good for any internet business. If you don't believe me, look up: buy a web.
Now I understand you happen to be a master of being subtle. When I visited you at the mall, you acted like I was a lunatic and you didn't know what I was talking about.
I definitely did not appreciate you calling security and the FBI, but I guess everyone has a horrible day. I'm sure I can depend on you to come through this year.
Oh, I forgot one thing. Angelina Jolie. Definitely Angelina Jolie. Leave her short dork boyfriend at home. Now that isn't too much to ask is it? Is it?
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